Inresponse to the myriad incomprehensibly stupid emails I have received about the preceeding post, I am posting this memorandum. Please take note, all.
No. 1- No, I am not a sweaty-breasted agorophobe. It is called artistic license, and is generally applied when one wants to convey a certain image or emotion of which everyday existance tends to fall short. I would thank you to remember that though while you, and you know whom you are, are a blathering cretin, I am not.
No. 2- If you are planning to contact me through electronic correspondence, and are planning on using any of the following words, please stop now, and go run screaming from the nearest wooden bridge. Don’t have a wooden bridge handy? I’ve found pills and alcohol to be extremely effective. These words include, but are not limited to: yo, what’s up, ya’ll, Bush, conservative (read: narrow-minded), randy, me, I, or any other word which may indicate that I am not going to care about that which you are trying to communicate.
No.3- If you have anything truly unique to impart to me, I am all ears. I love hearing people rant, it tends to make me feel better about letting loose, as I’m doing now *shrugs*
No.4- If you can one-up me, so to speak, please exercise your creative muscles, and engage me in some 1860’s duel of words. Pen and ink, or electronic. There is a good chance that I will lose my shirt to any connoisseur of words, but I welcome the challenge. And I have no problem admitting verbal defeat. I actually look forward to being bested in a battle of wits. It makes me believe in something for a split second. To those of you this does not concern, please disregard said memorandum. But to everyone else, take note. And the next time you read something which I have written, you may want to try to avoid mouthing the words. Closing your mouth tends to help.
